Quack Medicine and other diversions..

A collection of short stories by Neal McKenna

Thesis Editing

Products You Likely Won't Find 

at Your Local Pharmacy

         No matter where, no matter when, we're all looking for the magic bullet, the theory of everything or the product that will solve all our problems. The sad truth is there ain't no such animal. However there will always be those who are gullible – and who of us hasn't been that a few times in our lives? 

Here is a fun look at some creative snake oil peddling...

Apparently, this one is endorsed by 

none other than Bill Clinton. 

What a guy!

Sexual Big President Male Enhancement

Category: Sex Medicine -> Fast Erection

Description: Sexual Big President Male Enhancement Safe use of the product for patients of high blood pressure or cardiac disease or after drinking. Sexual Big President Male Enhancement is made of highly concentrated natural botanic and animal materials with high and new techniques. This product can activate the sexual glands of men to generate sperm, promote the secondary development of genitals, and leave you feeling strong, energenic, and full of energy, without causing any side or toxin effects such as dependence, reddish face, nausea and headache. It can not be affected by hypertension, heart diseases or alcohol, and is of good treatment effect in prostate disease. Ingredients: Ginseng, scalper's penis, Chinese matrimony-vine, pilose antler of young stags, longan scarcocarp, lily, buffalo's penis, fur seal's penis etc.. Functions: Restores energy and reproduces blood, improves the kidney function, solves impotence and the early ejaculation, helps those who lifts but not firm, lacks the ability to perform sex well, solw erection, increases the size of penis, postpones the time of ejaculation. Target crowd: Male adults who are physically weak with a kidney dysfunction, penis shrinking and shortening, early ejaculation, scarce sexual needs etc. Usage and amount: One capsule 10 minutes avant les rapports sexuels. Specification: 4800mg*10capsules*10boxes/pack Expiration time: 3 years Storage: Sealed in cool and dry environment. Uh-huh. I'm sure it comes with a money-back guarantee. Artificial Virginity Hymen (Joan of Arc Red)  What the heck does Joan of Arc have to do with phony hymens? Category: Health and Beauty -> Womens Health Description: Artificial Hymen For Women, virginity pledge, Second Hymen, Artificial Virginity Hymen (Joan of Arc Red) Artificial hymen is suitable for the woman who with broken hymen. put artificial hymen into the vagina. It will inflate when meet warm secretion and envelop the vagina. The penis breaks the layer, and the hemachrome with the secretion lay on the penis and vulvae. It looks like the really blood very much. The effect will be better if the woman pretend feel pain and shy. Character: It is dark red translucence film, suppleness. It dissolves into the secretion become mucus, and do not flyblow clothes. [Ingredients]natural albumen glue, medical expand element, Methylcellulose and so on. [Using] Open the package, get the hymen and knead it. Put it into the vagina. If the vagina is dry, wet the hymen 5 to 8 seconds then put it into vagina; The best time is 20 to 30 minutes before sex; The effect will be better if the woman pretend feel pain and shy; Wash the vulvae after sex; It is easy to use and no toxic, pain, hypersusceptibility and side-effect effect for the body.  [Effectiveness]Artificial because there's no side effect to human component is the natural glue, drug-inflated, carboxymethyl cellulose-based water-soluble detergent. "Artificial hymen" placed inside the vagina, thermal expansion and dissolve secretions, and quickly shut the vagina, penis, one of the sealant has a blood red liquid based agent with the penis and vulva tic and the mixed paper. If the mixture of pain and shy like a better effect. [Note] Cleansing the "blood" after sex act, stored at normal temperature. [Package]Aseptic carton packaging aluminum foil bag, compact and easy to carry. [Shape]  Red translucent membrane, 5cm x 3.5cm x 0.02cm, soft, water-soluble red mucus dissolves into blood, contaminated clothing.  [Load]2 pieces/pack Definitely comes with a money-back guarantee. French Sexy Gum Do You have a lack of sex drive? Give your partner the satisfaction they desire today! HOW IT WORKS What is French Sexy Gum? The latest development in the quest for female enhancement is French Sexy Gum. French Sexy Gum costs about the same as the pills and patches found on the market, but the ease of use is Priceless. By simply chewing a few pieces of the high quality herbal gum daily you can increase sexual desire Try French Sexy Gum today and you'll be surprised at how easy and effective this new product can be. Really, it as close to a win-win situation as you can get. The gum contains the same highly potent herbs that can be found in the pills and patches. These high quality herbs are designed specifically for female enhancement. French Sexy Gum even has a refreshing spearmint flavor. How Does French Sexy Gum Work? Chewing the gum can Secrete estrogen which will stimulate pituitary gland to produce excitation and then transmit to nerve center sotly increase sex as to greaual desire. It will make you sexual life more passionate. Directions: One piece of gum is to be chewed each day. Generally clients experience noticeable results within the first two months but optimal results are experienced after 6 months of use.. Ingredients: Guarana, Rhodiola Rosea, Saw Palmetto, Ginseng, Niacin, Maca, Muira Puama, L-Arginine, Nettle Leaf, Sarsaparilla, Licorice Root. Specification: 2g*10grains*10boxes/pack Dosage and Administration: One grain one time, Chew 30 minutes before sexual activity. Re-blogged from Pisense  If Banner Ads Were Forced  To Tell the Truth... Re-blogged from Cracked  Aren't banner ads awesome? Unfortunately, a few bad apples have given the industry a bad name by being just a little misleading in their promises that hot singles and easy money are just a click away. What would banner ads look like in a world where they were required to tell the honest truth? We offered a prize to whoever has the Photoshop skills to show us. The winner is below, but first, the runners-up:   /  Well, that's my truth. Dammit! To add your comments click on Links to this post below.  It will take you to a stand-alone copy of this page.  At the bottom, you'll find the comments box, so feel free to let 'er rip.