Tuesday, May 31, 2011

All about Love, Lust and Other Diversions ~ Part 3

A collection of short stories by Neal McKenna

Thesis Editing

Is an Active Sex Life Possible

After Bed Death?

– Neal McKenna
Let’s get one thing straight from the get-go. It is natural and absolutely “normal” for sex to die down a bit after a few years in a relationship. Holy, Crikey, Moses! If it didn't, nobody would get anything done! Of course, a struggle in the straw, two or three times a week is nice assurance that the fires down below are still well stoked. However, it’s all too easy for every one of us to get caught up in the busy-ness of our lives. And, to be frank, a lot of people put their sex lives pretty close to the bottom of their priority lists. Add kids to the equation – there are more and more Dad-Dad and Mom-Mom families cropping up – and you’re operating at a whole new level of frenzy and exhaustion.

Still, kids (if you have ‘em), job and life in general are no excuse for abandoning intimacy. A good sex life is a terrible thing to waste. So, with that thought in mind, does your ongoing relationship really have to end up in bed death? Or perhaps more to the point – is it possible to resurrect a flat love life from its less-than-tepid doldrums? And the answer is: of course it’s possible but like most other things worth having, sustaining a healthy sexual relationship takes lots of work. But before you can focus on the fix, you have to identify the reasons why your bed became the dead zone in the first place. Keep in mind, those reasons will be different for every couple. However, in a lot of instances, focusing upon the relationship is the most fruitful way of reactivating a steamy sex life.

To start, let’s sate the obvious. Good sex takes place when both partners are feeling relaxed and carefree. When one or both partners begins to view sex as a duty, or feels anxious about his/her performance – for whatever reason – a minor or temporary change in sexual interest can snowball into a major problem. However, it’s not an insurmountable one and some effective couples counselling, psychotherapy or sex therapy can help you both beyond this particular impasse. In the meantime, here are some useful tips for keeping sex in your relationship.

THE

1. Keep it Sweet

If you’re bickering about the dishes and dirty laundry, for sure, you won’t be getting any nookie when you hit the sack. If you want to get your sweet baboo in the mood, treat him/her with a little tenderness. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Remind him daily of all the reasons why you love him. Chances are what goes around will come around.

2. Remove Distractions

Another reason for the lack of romance in the boudoir is a “busy bed.” The bed becomes populated with kids, cats, dogs, ferrets or hedgehogs, not to mention the aforementioned peeves and resentments. Such an arrangement makes sex close to impossible without disturbing something. And if you have a TV set in your bedroom, sell it or give it to someone you don’t like, so they can put it in their bedroom.

3. Make Sex Dates

If you want to keep romance alive, make romantic dates with him/her. Talk it over, make a plan and put it in your calendar. To reiterate, it’s no secret that passion dissipates over time. If you haven’t had sex in a while, waiting for it to “just happen” isn’t going to happen. – trust me! Set aside a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. Turn off your cell phones and turn each other on. Whether you plan to spend the whole day in bed or just a quickie, it doesn’t matter. What matters is: you both show up and get it on.

4. Bring Fantasy into the Bedroom

Everyone has a fantasy. Do you know your partner’s secret turn-on? Do you – or does he – have a not-so-secret a crush on a celeb or sports star? How about George Clooney or David Beckham – and for the guys, how about Scarlett Johansson or Renée Zellweger? Does the notion of boinking that hunky FedEx driver make your gonchies moist? Fantasy is not only good, it’s damn healthy! Fantasising doesn’t mean you’re not into your partner; it’s just the hot sauce on the meat, so-to-speak. If you and your lover have never role-played before, talk about your secret desires in detail. If your partner is feeling hesitant about trying it, let him/her take the lead.

5. Try Sex Toys

Same-old, same-old may have got you both off in the past but it ain’t workin’ now! So if your sexual repertoire has become ho-hum, it’s time to open a new basket of tricks. Try a fun new sex toy. Vibrators come in all kinds of sizes and shapes and do all sorts of wonderful things. There are sex toys for every predilection, from anal plugs and nipple clamps to prostate stimulators. Augment the mystique with a just-for-sex costume and have at it with that new sex toy! Shop for one together, or surprise your mate on one of your sex date nights.

6. Watch Porn

There’s nothing like watching other people “doin’ the nasty” to get you all revved up! C’mon you really do know where to find porn! In the larger centres, Adult shops are everywhere and for you in smaller towns – it’s always download-able on the Net. So go ahead, check out some of that “dirty” stuff! You know you wanna! Besides, you’ll probably get turned on and you might even learn a few new bedroom tricks.

7. Read and Learn

Sex is like anything else. You can always learn more and get better at it. Read erotica for stimulation and inspiration. Better yet, read it aloud to each other. Buy a sex guide like The Joy of Sex and try something you’ve never done before.

8. Be Willing

More than anything else, keeping sex alive in a relationship is dependent upon both partners making a commitment to do just that. A fulfilling, not to mention hot sex life requires maintenance. It needs to be fine tuned and it needs to be given time to occur in your life together. Be willing to take a risk. Tell your partner what your needs are but you must also be open to hearing his/her desires too. Then let the skyrockets blast away!

If none of this works,

then you might want to consider the following...

Dear Proctor & Gamble Corporation...

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood all over my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, I've got to go, have to write a note to the Hefty bag people!

And ...

Without the photo,

this wouldn't be easy to believe!

Ya gotta read the text below the picture...

Pogo Moose Incident - Bracebridge , Ont, Canada

They were laying new power cables which were strung on the ground for miles. The moose are rutting right now and very agitated. He was thrashing around and got his antlers stuck in the cables. When the men (miles away) began pulling the lines up with their big equipment, the moose went up with them. They noticed excess tension in the lines and went searching for the problem. The moose was still alive when they lowered him to the ground. It was a huge bull with a 60" rack of antlers. He was only slightly peeved!

Only in Canada ...eh?!!

Now, I'm closing this post

with some really serious food for thought...

Food prices

'will double by 2030,'

Oxfam warns

- Re-blogged from BBC News, May 31, 2011

The price of key crops could rise by up to 180%, Oxfam says

“Start Quote

We are sleepwalking towards an avoidable age of crisis - one in seven people go hungry every day despite the fact that the world is capable of feeding everyone”

Barbara StockingOxfam chief executive

in Guatemala, 865,000 people are at risk of food insecurity, due to a lack of state investment in smallholder farmers, who are highly dependent on imported food, the charity says.

in India, people spend more than twice the proportion of their income on food than UK residents - paying the equivalent of £10 for a litre of milk and £6 for a kilo of rice.

in Azerbaijan, wheat production fell 33% last year due to poor weather, forcing the country to import grains from Russia and Kazakhstan. Food prices were 20% higher in December 2010 than the same month in 2009.

in East Africa, eight million people currently face chronic food shortages due to drought, with women and children among the hardest hit.

The World Bank has also warned that rising food prices are pushing millions of people into extreme poverty.

In April, it said food prices were 36% above levels of a year ago, driven by problems in the Middle East and North Africa.

Oxfam wants nations to agree new rules to govern food markets, to ensure the poor do not go hungry.

It said world leaders must:

increase transparency in commodities markets and regulate futures markets

scale up food reserves

end policies promoting biofuels

invest in smallholder farmers, especially women

"We are sleepwalking towards an avoidable age of crisis," said Ms Stocking.

"One in seven people on the planet go hungry every day despite the fact that the world is capable of feeding everyone."

Among the many factors driving rising food prices in the coming decades, Oxfam predicts that climate change will have the most serious impact.

Ahead of the UN climate summit in South Africa in December, it calls on world leaders to launch a global climate fund, "so that people can protect themselves from the impacts of climate change and are better equipped to grow the food they need."

To add your comments click on Links to this post below which will take you to a stand-alone copy of this page. At the bottom, there is a comments box, so feel free to let 'er rip. This is the best I can do until I figure out how to do it the right way. – Nealbo

Monday, May 30, 2011

All about Love, Lust and Other Diversions ~ Part 2

A collection of short stories by Neal McKenna

Thesis Editing

Is there Life after Death?

- Neal McKenna

Is there life after death? Now, I’m not talking about the esoteric, philosophical concept of existing beyond the veil, following our final exit from life here on earth. The death I am talking about is a little closer to home. It’s that pernicious and lingering state of inaction in the bedchamber. If you have been teamed with your significant other for more than two or three years, you probably know what I’m talking about. Exactly when was the last time the two of you enthusiastically rumpled the percale in true gay abandon? Yeah, I know, it’s probably been a while!

Now, remember what it was like when you and your main-squeeze first started “the romance of the century!” In the good old days, you couldn’t get enough of each other. Life back in your “courting” phase was a kind of fugue; a fever hotter than a pepper sprout. The heat of discovery kept those home fires burning at scorching, white-hot temperatures. Then, eventually, you got used to each other and life got back in the way. Now, five or ten years later, here you are – more like siblings than lovers! This isn’t what you signed up for! Right? And it’s not likely what your partner envisioned either.

So who is to blame? Well, actually, nobody, according to Canadian psychologist, John Langston. “Slowing down in the conjugal bed is a natural progression of aging, changing of priorities and simply having less time to engage in sex play.” But what happens in a relationship when the sex stops all together? Why does it happen? Do other people also silently exist in sexless partnerships and marriages? And if it’s more common than we might imagine, what can be done about it? All will be revealed in due course.
The phenomenon of the marital bed becoming a cold, passionless hiding place, connoting all that is missing in a relationship rather than the deepest expression of love and intimacy, is most definitely not a new one. The term bed death was first coined by University of Washington sociologist, Pepper Schwartz in her 1983 book American Couples. Actually, it was first called lesbian bed deathbecause, according to Schwartz, lesbians have less sex than any other kind of couple, and they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts. But, in the real-life world,lesbians aren’t the only ones who suffer from a marked decline in ardor as the years roll by. So,regardless of the couple’s sexual orientation, bed death can and does happen – a lot!

Does this mean everybody’s relationships are doomed to the bed death crypt? No! If there is a God or Goddess above us, please, no! If you don’t want it to go that way, then it doesn’t have to. But like most things worth keeping, sustaining a healthy sex life takes plenty of work – but it’s an occupation you already know you like, so theoretically, it shouldn’t be a chore.

“You really have to have the intention to keep or rekindle the romance and affection in your relationship,” Mindy Jacobs, a psychologist in Washington, DC says. “It takes work to keep the romance alive in your relationship. Intimacy ebbs and flows. You have to feed it. You can own a Rolls Royce, but if you never change the oil, eventually it won't work.”

But what exactly leads to bed death in the first place? Unfortunately, the list can go on forever. Anger is one efficient way to kill sex in a relationship. If the misunderstandings and hurts in your relationship are not being addressed, they’ll show up in the bedroom. Withholding sex – consciously or unconsciously – may be rooted in anger but also may be a sign of a power imbalance within the relationship. The partner who feels less in control or under-valued will often use sexual output, or the lack of it, to assert themselves. In this situation, men may not be able to raise or sustain an erection and rather than deal with this additional “failure,” they simply lose desire for sex.

If your partner has been sexually abused, major problems can arise in the relationship. After the initial relationship rush, things may get too hot emotionally. There might be too much intimacy to handle. Sex may bring on anxiety, terror, depression or dissociation. If your partner has a history of sex abuse, support them in getting to a therapist. Just remember therapy is not a quick fix but it can help heal deep wounds. And keep in mind you cannot “fix it” for them, no matter how much you love them.

Fear of rejection can also lead to loss of libido. While opening themselves up in a very intimate way can be wonderfully exciting for most people, for some it brings out fear and anxiety. They are unable to deal with the venerability that emerges as the relationship heats up and they shut down. Linked to this is having a good education in “the bedroom arts.” Although they wouldn’t ever admit it, a lot of people – both men and women – have never bothered to actually learn much about sex or how to be a good lover.

Lasting sex – let’s make that great lasting sex – with a long-term partner requires patience, exploration and continual risk-taking. If one or both of you are too shy, embarrassed or immature to talk about sex, then you are sending bed death an engraved invitation. Like most things in life, open communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship and a long-lasting sex life. Take baby steps at first. Do something easy and fun. Buy a copy of that old goodie, The Joy of Sex and read it together. It’s bound to get those juices flowing and the balls rolling, so-to-speak. Being creative and spontaneous will also help to light his/her fire.

“Having sex on your kitchen table is silly, but it’s a fun and simple example of creativity,” sayspsychologist, Michael Radkowsky, also based in DC. “It also means letting your partner get to know you more intimately. Talk. Tell your partner what you like; what’s hot for you. It’s also about risk-taking and doing that is difficult for a lot of people.”

Bottom line, a sexless relationship may be a symptom of any number of things. However, the longer the relationship, the more effort the couple will have to make if they want to revive their faded sex life. It may be a time-worn cliché, but it is too-too true: use it or lose it! If you keep the fire stoked, you can and will reap all the intimate rewards available in your relationship. But if you let your sexual intimacy wither and die, your love for each other may well remain but the passion will be gone. And who really wants that when you could still have it all?

I wish I could say this doesn't

happen in South Africa

but the truth is superstition and

the belief in witchcraft

permeates most African cultures

– even "westernized" nations like SA.

'Magic penis' killing set for trial date

2011-05-25 22:11

By Mandla Khoza

Malalane - A trial date is expected to be set on Thursday [June 2] for 12 people arrested in connection with setting a pastor alight after accusing him of using a magic penis to sleep with women.

The nine men and three women, aged between 28 and 50 will appear in the Boschfontein periodical court in Mpumalanga on charges murder and arson. The villagers, among them a community induna (headman), were arrested on February 24 after Albert Malwane, a pastor of the Izwi Zion Christian Church, was burnt to death the day before.

Mpumalanga police spokesperson Leonard Hlathi said that Malwane had been dragged from his one-roomed house in the Etitandini informal settlement near Jeppes Reef south of Malalane and taken to a hill, where he was set alight. Malwane's house was also burnt and his wife and daughter went into hiding.
Community members had accused him of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the informal settlement. They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorising the community. The villagers also complained that Malwane's family had used muti to make then sick after Malwane's death.
One of the accused had to be carried into the Boschfontein periodical court when the 12 appeared in court on April 8.
Timothy Malwane, the father of the deceased, believes a curse was released at the pastor’s funeral. The 12 accused have not been asked to plead. Re-blogged from SA News24

Now let's have a look at some fun magic!

Brad's Magic Penis

Angelina Jolie & Jennifer Aniston

Now Also Annoyingly Rich

by STUART HERITAGE

Instead of a penis, Brad Pitt has a magic wand that brings fabulous wealth to anyone who he sticks it in.

It’s true. It is. OK, in all fairness it probably isn’t true. Chances are Brad Pitt does have a penis – but the bit about it making people rich is still true, though. Forbes has just published its list of Hollywood’s top-earning actresses, and the top two spots are taken up by Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston.

We know what you’re thinking – where’s Juliette Lewis on the list? Look, not even Brad Pitt’s magic wand willy is that magic, OK?

If you need us at any point over the weekend, we’ll be at Brad Pitt’s house. You’ll be able to tell who we are – we’ll be dressed in a slinky frock like the one Bugs Bunny wears when he tries to woo Elmer Fudd, and we’ll be trotting up and down Brad’s driveway with half our bum hanging out and three packets of Rohypnol in our handbag.

Because, lord, look at the statistics. The last two people who Brad Pitt slept with were probably Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, and Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston have just been named as the top two highest-earning actresses in Hollywood. So it’s definitely worth trying to have sex with Brad Pitt. True, we might end up being dealt a rubbish hand like Gwyneth Paltrow was and end up getting married to a whining gonk from a crap band, but that’s a chance we’d be prepared to take.

Because Brad Pitt must be the reason why Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston have done so will in this Forbes list. He must be. Look at the films that Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston have released in the last year – some cack about a dog, a gormless procession of slow motion explosions, a Ben Affleck film and an over-serious lot of piff that involved little more than wearing a hat and shrieking “Where’s my son?” seven hundred billion times in a row – you can’t seriously tell us that people liked any of those, can you?

But, hey, what do we know? Forbes reports:

Between June 2008 and June 2009, Jolie earned an estimated $27 million. Much of that came from her share of the profits on Wanted, but she also scored a fat upfront check for Salt. Coming in second behind Jolie is Jennifer Aniston. Aniston earned $25 million.

We should probably point out that there’s still a vast gender gulf when it comes to Hollywood earnings. Angelina Jolie might have earnt $27 million in the last year, but that’s nothing compared to the $65 million that Harrion Ford earnt in the same period of time. And he earnt it for Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. What sort of sick world is this?

But back to Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. What are they going to spend all their money on? Well, there’s a chance that Angelina Jolie will dedicate a portion of it to her various philanthropic works. And Jennifer Aniston? Well that army of winged monkeys won’t train itself to attack Angelina Jolie by smell alone by itself, will it?
Re-blogged from Heckler Spray

Now for some movie magic.

Joi Lansing

They just don't make girls like this anymore...

The One I Love Belongs To Somebody Else

YouTube - Video

Internet Debris

Tuesday, May 31, 2011