– Neal McKenna
Let’s get one thing straight from the get-go. It is natural and absolutely “normal” for sex to die down a bit after a few years in a relationship. Holy, Crikey, Moses! If it didn't, nobody would get anything done! Of course, a struggle in the straw, two or three times a week is nice assurance that the fires down below are still well stoked. However, it’s all too easy for every one of us to get caught up in the busy-ness of our lives. And, to be frank, a lot of people put their sex lives pretty close to the bottom of their priority lists. Add kids to the equation – there are more and more Dad-Dad and Mom-Mom families cropping up – and you’re operating at a whole new level of frenzy and exhaustion.
Still, kids (if you have ‘em), job and life in general are no excuse for abandoning intimacy. A good sex life is a terrible thing to waste. So, with that thought in mind, does your ongoing relationship really have to end up in bed death? Or perhaps more to the point – is it possible to resurrect a flat love life from its less-than-tepid doldrums? And the answer is: of course it’s possible but like most other things worth having, sustaining a healthy sexual relationship takes lots of work. But before you can focus on the fix, you have to identify the reasons why your bed became the dead zone in the first place. Keep in mind, those reasons will be different for every couple. However, in a lot of instances, focusing upon the relationship is the most fruitful way of reactivating a steamy sex life.
To start, let’s sate the obvious. Good sex takes place when both partners are feeling relaxed and carefree. When one or both partners begins to view sex as a duty, or feels anxious about his/her performance – for whatever reason – a minor or temporary change in sexual interest can snowball into a major problem. However, it’s not an insurmountable one and some effective couples counselling, psychotherapy or sex therapy can help you both beyond this particular impasse. In the meantime, here are some useful tips for keeping sex in your relationship.
1. Keep it Sweet
If you’re bickering about the dishes and dirty laundry, for sure, you won’t be getting any nookie when you hit the sack. If you want to get your sweet baboo in the mood, treat him/her with a little tenderness. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Remind him daily of all the reasons why you love him. Chances are what goes around will come around.
2. Remove Distractions
Another reason for the lack of romance in the boudoir is a “busy bed.” The bed becomes populated with kids, cats, dogs, ferrets or hedgehogs, not to mention the aforementioned peeves and resentments. Such an arrangement makes sex close to impossible without disturbing something. And if you have a TV set in your bedroom, sell it or give it to someone you don’t like, so they can put it in their bedroom.
3. Make Sex Dates
If you want to keep romance alive, make romantic dates with him/her. Talk it over, make a plan and put it in your calendar. To reiterate, it’s no secret that passion dissipates over time. If you haven’t had sex in a while, waiting for it to “just happen” isn’t going to happen. – trust me! Set aside a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. Turn off your cell phones and turn each other on. Whether you plan to spend the whole day in bed or just a quickie, it doesn’t matter. What matters is: you both show up and get it on.
4. Bring Fantasy into the Bedroom
Everyone has a fantasy. Do you know your partner’s secret turn-on? Do you – or does he – have a not-so-secret a crush on a celeb or sports star? How about George ClooneyorDavid Beckham – and for the guys, how about Scarlett Johanssonor Renée Zellweger? Does the notion of boinking that hunky FedEx driver make your gonchies moist? Fantasy is not only good, it’s damn healthy! Fantasising doesn’t mean you’re not into your partner; it’s just the hot sauce on the meat, so-to-speak. If you and your lover have never role-played before, talk about your secret desires in detail. If your partner is feeling hesitant about trying it, let him/her take the lead.
5. Try Sex Toys
Same-old, same-old may have got you both off in the past but it ain’t workin’ now! So if your sexual repertoire has become ho-hum, it’s time to open a new basket of tricks. Try a fun new sex toy. Vibrators come in all kinds of sizes and shapes and do all sorts of wonderful things. There are sex toys for every predilection, from anal plugs and nipple clamps to prostate stimulators. Augment the mystique with a just-for-sex costume and have at it with that new sex toy! Shop for one together, or surprise your mate on one of your sex date nights.
6. Watch Porn
There’s nothing like watching other people “doin’ the nasty” to get you all revved up! C’mon you really do know where to find porn! In the larger centres, Adult shops are everywhere and for you in smaller towns – it’s always download-able on the Net. So go ahead, check out some of that “dirty” stuff! You know you wanna! Besides, you’ll probably get turned on and you might even learn a few new bedroom tricks.
7. Read and Learn
Sex is like anything else. You can always learn more and get better at it. Read erotica for stimulation and inspiration. Better yet, read it aloud to each other. Buy a sex guide like The Joy of Sex and try something you’ve never done before.
8. Be Willing
More than anything else, keeping sex alive in a relationship is dependent upon both partners making a commitment to do just that. A fulfilling, not to mention hot sex life requires maintenance. It needs to be fine tuned and it needs to be given time to occur in your life together. Be willing to take a risk. Tell your partner what your needs are but you must also be open to hearing his/her desires too. Then let the skyrockets blast away!
If none of this works,
then you might want to consider the following...
Dear Proctor & Gamble Corporation...
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood all over my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, I've got to go, have to write a note to the Hefty bag people!
Without the photo,
this wouldn't be easy to believe!
Ya gotta read the text below the picture... Pogo Moose Incident - Bracebridge , Ont, Canada
They were laying new power cables which were strung on the ground for miles. The moose are rutting right now and very agitated. He was thrashing around and got his antlers stuck in the cables. When the men (miles away) began pulling the lines up with their big equipment, the moose went up with them. They noticed excess tension in the lines and went searching for the problem. The moose was still alive when they lowered him to the ground. It was a huge bull with a 60" rack of antlers. He was only slightly peeved!
The prices of staple foods will more than double in 20 years unless world leaders take action to reform the global food system, Oxfam has warned.
By 2030, the average cost of key crops will increase by between 120% and 180%, the charity forecasts.
Half of that increase will be caused by climate change, Oxfam predicts, in its report Growing a Better Future.
It calls on world leaders to improve regulation of food markets and invest in a global climate fund.
"The food system must be overhauled if we are to overcome the increasingly pressing challenges of climate change, spiralling food prices and the scarcity of land, water and energy," said Barbara Stocking, Oxfam's chief executive.
Women and children
In its report, Oxfam highlights four "food insecurity hotspots", areas which are already struggling to feed their citizens.
We are sleepwalking towards an avoidable age of crisis - one in seven people go hungry every day despite the fact that the world is capable of feeding everyone”
Barbara StockingOxfam chief executive
in Guatemala, 865,000 people are at risk of food insecurity, due to a lack of state investment in smallholder farmers, who are highly dependent on imported food, the charity says.
in India, people spend more than twice the proportion of their income on food than UK residents - paying the equivalent of £10 for a litre of milk and £6 for a kilo of rice.
in Azerbaijan, wheat production fell 33% last year due to poor weather, forcing the country to import grains from Russia and Kazakhstan. Food prices were 20% higher in December 2010 than the same month in 2009.
in East Africa, eight million people currently face chronic food shortages due to drought, with women and children among the hardest hit.
The World Bank has also warned that rising food prices are pushing millions of people into extreme poverty.
In April, it said food prices were 36% above levels of a year ago, driven by problems in the Middle East and North Africa.
Oxfam wants nations to agree new rules to govern food markets, to ensure the poor do not go hungry.
It said world leaders must:
increase transparency in commodities markets and regulate futures markets
scale up food reserves
end policies promoting biofuels
invest in smallholder farmers, especially women
"We are sleepwalking towards an avoidable age of crisis," said Ms Stocking.
"One in seven people on the planet go hungry every day despite the fact that the world is capable of feeding everyone."
Among the many factors driving rising food prices in the coming decades, Oxfam predicts that climate change will have the most serious impact.
Ahead of the UN climate summit in South Africa in December, it calls on world leaders to launch a global climate fund, "so that people can protect themselves from the impacts of climate change and are better equipped to grow the food they need."
To add your comments click on Links to this postbelow which will take you to a stand-alone copy of this page. At the bottom, there is a comments box, so feel free to let 'er rip. This is the best I can do until I figure out how to do it the right way. – Nealbo