Wednesday, May 18, 2011

This 'n' That

Obesity gene pinpointed

Image via cSlacker

Scientists link a specific gene to the risk of obesity

British researchers, writing in the journal Science published yesterday, said the presence of a version of FTO increased a person's risk for obesity, and it was very common in the people studied - 63 percent had one or two copies of it. More of this article hereLet's all hope they find a way to turn it off. Then, I will be the first guy in the queue - at Baskin & Robbins! 

Holy Crikey-Moses! I was absolutely sure this was a hoax. So I surfed over to the Snopes site to give it a lookie-loo and it turns out to be true!


This wiggly reptile was captured on the Silent Valley Ranch, located in South Africa's Limpopo Province. Generally speaking, that's just down the road from where I live. Here are pictures of an impala ewe that was swallowed by this rock python. 
Get a load of those teeth! A python's bite is not venomous but it would be damn painful. 
YIKES! I'll never go outside again!! 

The Natives are Restless...

Kruger National Park
Believe me, some African neighborhoods can get a little rough. Have a look at what happens in South Africa's Kruger National Park. I'll be visiting there June 2nd & 3rd on a work field trip. I hope the turf wars and rumbles settle down before then.

WalMart Scam

The Recession has hit everybody!

Yesterday, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Parents in  Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Things DIFFICULT to say when drunk.

1 - Innovative
2 - Preliminary
3 - Proliferation
4 - Cinnamon

Things VERY DIFFICULT to say when drunk.

1 - Specificity
2 - British constitution
3 - Passive-aggressive disorder
4 - Transubstantiate

Things IMPOSSIBLE to say when drunk

1 - Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to sleep with you.
2 - Nope, no more booze for me.
3 - No pizza for me, thank you.
4 - Sorry, but you're not really my type. 
5 - Look mate, I've told you, I'm not interested in a fight.
6 - No way, I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me sing.
7 - Thanks for asking, but I don't want to dance. I have no co-ordination and I'd hate to make a fool of myself.

8 - Where is the nearest public lavatory? I absolutely refuse to pee in the street.
9 - I must be going now as I have work in the morning.

Fiona Bruce tests a bizarre device Victorian husbands used to calm their wives.

By RACHEL QUIGLEY - 16th September 2010
For chaps subjected to serial nagging, one option is to retreat to the garden shed for a spot of peace and quiet. But turn back the clock to the Victorian era, and there was a more drastic solution for henpecked husbands. It is called the 'wife tamer' and looks like a cross between a coffin and a cradle.
Happy captive: Miss Bruce tries out the wooden contraption as she films Antiques Roadshow in Bradford
Happy captive: Miss Bruce tries out the wooden contraption as she films Antiques Roadshow in Bradford.
Fiona Bruce came across the unusual and emphatically non-PC piece of furniture while filming an episode of Antiques Roadshow in Bradford.
The BBC star laughed as she asked if the wooden box was a 'cot for giant babies'. When told it was specially designed for 'henpecking' women she couldn't hide her surprise. But Miss Bruce - a self-proclaimed feminist who was once part of the Greenham Common women's peace camp - still clambered into the device.
The 46-year-old mother of two said: 'Even though it goes against every principle in my body, I couldn't resist getting in and having a little go and actually it's quite comfy.' 
'Wife-tamer': The device, which looks like a cross between a coffin and a cradle, was designed to rock an angry spouse to sleep
The 'wife tamer' was invented by publican Harry Tap in 1862 as a way of dealing with his nagging wife.
He made six and one of them was donated to Keighley's Cliffe Castle Museum in 1937. It is now its most popular exhibit. 
The inscription down the side reads: 'Hen Pecked Club's Peace Box No. 6, Patent Cure for a Cross Wife.'
The museum's Dale Keeton said: 'The idea of this Hen Pecked Club was that you made your wife very, very happy - black her shoes, make her porridge, carry her handbag.
'If after all that she still henpecked you, you would get some of your friends round, draw back the lid, put your wife in and rock her gently until she was asleep.
'I think it was just a really good excuse for a load of guys to go to the pub.'
Fans of Miss Bruce will be able to see her inside the wife tamer when the show is broadcast on Sunday.
The presenter revealed that the production crew had suggested she get in, adding: 'I think they might have been trying to tell me something.'

These examples are from South Africa but this post pays tribute to stupid people everywhere...

In case you needed further proof the human race is doomed with the "creeping stupids," here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods in good ole Southest Africa! 

On Woolworth's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh! A bit late, huh?) 

On Pick n' Pay's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."  (talk about a news flash) 

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.) 
On a Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding 
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...) 
On a Clicks hair dryer - 
Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.) 

On a bag of Simba Chips -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary!
Details inside.
 (the shoplifter special?) 
On a bar of Dove soap -  "Directions: Use like regular soap."  (and that would be???....) 

On some Checkers frozen dinners - "Serving suggestion: Defrost."  (please note that it's just a suggestion.) 
On the packaging of a Rowenta iron - "Don't iron clothes on body."  (but wouldn't this save me time?) 
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."  (..I'm taking this because???....) 

On some brands of Christmas lights of Eastern origin: "For indoor or outdoor use only."  (As opposed to what?) 

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."  (Now, somebody out there, please help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) 

Instructions on a SA Airways packet of peanuts - 
[1] Open packet; [2] Eat nuts. 
(Step 3: say what?) 

On a child's Superman costume: 
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."  

(Don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) 

On a German chainsaw "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." 
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) 

Blessed are the cracked - 

for it is they who let in the light.

And, I think that's just about it for today.

Jane Russell 

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